Are you too comfortable?

I spent last weekend (30 hours of it to be exact) running a 196 mile relay with 11 team mates.  The heat, the running, the sleep deprivation, the overflowing “honey buckets” and the blisters were a buffet of discomfort.  I found myself (mostly mid run) wondering why I would ever subject myself to such a thing…for the 5th year in a row.  

Why do we intentionally subject ourselves to difficulty?  People go as far as paying for things like Ragnar races, 570 USA marathons per year, obstacle course races with barbed wire and fire, Iron man triathlons that go on for hours on end, 5 day fasting, sweat lodges and fire walks.   These organized opportunities for discomfort are growing exponentially as a response to a current culture which naturally leaves very little room for discomfort.

I believe that we seek out discomfort in order to defeat complacency, especially when being comfortable is more culturally available than it’s ever been.  I’m very aware that there’s a vast number of people who truly suffer from hunger, persecution, violence and discrimination.  I’m referring to the purposeful seeking out of discomfort.  It appears that growth is nearly impossible unless one is willing to seek out what makes them uncomfortable.

Discomfort is something most of us are experts at avoiding. Avoiding discomfort is ingrained in us, it feels almost instinctual.  

We have pills, potions and lotions to help us avoid physical discomfort without considering whether or not certain symptoms have a purpose.  Childhood fevers for example are a healthy and necessary part of immune system and nervous system growth.  When a child is supported and attentively watched through a fever, with the parent nurturing and being in tune with that child, she is much more likely to meet a major developmental milestone immediately after the completion of the fever.  We also know that childhood fevers may prevent certain severe (even life threatening) diseases in adulthood.  The discomfort is part of the movement forward.

We, however have a cultural need to not suffer.  We go to great lengths to keep our kids from being uncomfortable, because after all…everyone must get a trophy.  

It’s obviously much easier to rescue our kids and spare them the difficult consequences that come with hard to watch scenarios that we, as their parents see coming from a mile away.

A few nights ago, our 16 year old came home at midnight, with a mangled mouth and broken teeth.  Apparently he thought it would be fun to ride on the back of a car in a parking lot, until his face met the asphalt.  I was reminded by my sister that sometimes, we think “AFTER we do dumb things.  Through the blood and the panic, I saw a glimpse of a boy (and his friends) who found a respect for the fragility of life, or at least,  of his face.  It turns out, that although painful all around, this was an extremely effective way to learn.

I recently saw a coffee table sign which read:

I think I’ll go back and buy it as a reminder to myself that discomfort is a part of growth.  Doesn’t it seem like sometimes it’s the grit and the rough that squeezes out the diamonds?  What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right?

Our addictions, all of them are there to help us avoid discomfort.  Eating sugar to fill a void, drinking to ease anxiety, smoking to deal with stress and hours of social media to avoid feeling disconnected.  

At work, I watch people continue to feel unwell and to malfunction as a trade off for becoming truly accountable for their habits and lifestyle.  I empathize with this because I’ve taken many of these self reflective, ego checking looks and it’s not easy to leave what’s comfortable in order to change your own life.  This blog, for example has kept me up at night because it requires the courage and vulnerability to do something very much outside of my safety bubble.

When we intentionally choose to do something uncomfortable, we gift ourselves with pattern disruption.  We’re such creatures of habit that most of the time, we do the same things we’ve done the day before and in the same order.  90% of our thoughts are exactly the same thoughts we’ve had day after day.  When we force ourselves to do something different, especially if it’s “off pattern” enough to bring discomfort, our brains naturally form new synapses and we literally begin to reinvent the way we think about ourselves and the world around us.

The last time you did something new and outside of the norm, chances are you had a glimpse or a thought which felt like “well, if I can do that…what else can I do?”.  There’s a time to contract and be still but there’s also a time to push through the grit and the dirt.  The catalyst for growth, it turns out, IS discomfort. 

I love this 90 second video…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcUAIpZrwog

When’s the last time you did something for the first time?  It doesn’t have to be extreme.  Start with brushing your teeth with the other hand, and try a recipe you’d never normally try, and take a walk somewhere you’ve never walked before and say yes to the next thing you want to say no to…and before you know it,  you’ll be catalyzing your own growth.  The level of growth though, is directly proportional to the level of discomfort…just saying.

We’re all born with a potential which is greater than where we stand.  In order to grow toward that potential, we have to be willing to look discomfort in the eye and win the staring contest.